I have deliberated on being a shavee for some time but it was kind of an aha moment this year when I learned of my brother in laws cancer rearing its ugly head again... there's such a feeling of helplessness when you can't do anything to help the person and you want to!! How do I offer my support beyond the comfort of words? I can't give back directly to my brother in law but I can give to others in need, hence St. Baldrick's. It is obviously an amazing charity and offers such great support to children with cancer. In honour of those I have lost to cancer, it offers me a way to demonstrate my support and to share my compassion.
This is our third year of experiencing family loss and struggle with cancer. Like so many experiences, you do not know what this process is until it impacts you directly. Only then can you truly connect to the sense of pain and suffering. My mother's departure was so sudden. She was a vibrant woman, tending her roses, playing tennis, helping my children with their French and then suddenly, there was an abrupt ending. This abruptness made it so much more difficult. My last conversation with her was on the phone. I was rushing to collect kids. She was in Boston wanting a moment to talk. That was it. Primary brain cancer and six weeks later, she was gone. No time for the farewell conversations I thought we would have. My father in law, a kind and gentle man, had lung cancer that metastasized to his spine and brain. Ironically, we had the time to spend with him but his dementia didn't allow him to remember his conversations with us. We are now faced with my brother in law's terminal cancer, and his denial and anger of his situation challenges us with yet another scenario. We feel helpless in knowing how to support him. He has been such a super uncle to our children and although he has no children of his own, I hope he will be proud of our wish to raise funds to support St. Baldrick's.
How do I feel about being hairless?....scared and excited. Kind of the same feeling when I'm about to cliff jump....butterflies in the stomach in a good way. I have always been a keen outdoor adventurer but I think this might be harder than any mountain I have climbed. I also plan to braid and cut my hair at the nape of my neck. I am researching for a foundation to donate my hair to. Locks of Love is one option.
I'm sure I will feel somewhat self conscious with no hair. It will be interesting to see people's response to me. For people who don't know me, I'm sure they might jump to conclusions. It will certainly offer me emotional connections to those whose reality it is and who haven't had the choice of their hair loss. I feel humbled by cancer victims courage and the challenges they face. Losing hair is probably such a small part of the process for them so I don't want to make it a big deal for me.
I get cold easily so I will be sporting hats until Spring is in the air. I will wear my bald head with pride, in recognition of all of those who continue to be challenged with cancer or who are now cancer free. My girls are however, absolutely mortified that I am choosing to do this. Something to do with teenage years??? Ultimately I think they will come to understand the significance of supporting St. Baldrick's because cancer impacts so many of us. As a parent I also think our children need to see us step outside our safety zones and that the process of learning and growing is life long.
My wish is for family and friends to make a donation, however small, to support and celebrate the children who are part of St. Baldrick's.