Ok: I suppose this truly begins back in 8th grade, when I got my hair truly cut last. I had 11 inches cut off, and it was about halfway down my neck. I've been growing it out ever since, occasionally getting a couple inches cut off to keep it from getting too unhealthy.
In...February or March, I had a dream where I gave up my hair for Lent. And by "give up" I meant shave it all off. I woke up and thought "...That was interesting...MaaaaaayyyyybeeeeeeeeNO. I'm not brave enough for that and am far too attached to my hair."
It wasn't too long after that when I heard about St. Baldrick's for the first time.
For those of you who don't know, St. Baldrick's Foundation raises money for children's cancer research. People raise money for the Foundation by shaving their heads. Completely bald.
I kind of knew Melissa at the time, and she seemed so enthusiastic about shaving her head. I knew Megan less well, but she seemed excited too.
My first thought: "NO. No no nononononoNO. I'm not that brave and I'm faaaaaar too attached to my hair."
So, for a while, I didn't really think about it. It was somewhere in the back of my mind... But.... No.
Then Megan became my prayer partner. We didn't even really talk about her shaving her head when we met to talk. But in that corner of my mind, I was looking at her long beautiful golden hair, and I was thinking about how brave she was for committing to shaving it all off.
Now, through all of this, my cousin Merryc has been battling his cancer and going through chemo and... I mean, sure he's not a "kid" anymore, especially after all that he's been through in the last 6 or so months, but I still remember those times when we were kids and we actually got to see the West Virginia branch of the Batt Clan, and in a corner of my mind, we're all still frozen at the age of 10. He just got done with his last round of chemo. So... That's nagging at the corner of my heart too.
Then I watched Mitch sign up to shave his head, and he was telling me that I should do it too. That it would mean so much more because I have such long and pretty hair.
So, this has been on my mind more and more the last couple of weeks.
Tonight, when I was sitting waiting for my purse to be returned to me (don't ask), I found myself thinking about this... And found myself wondering why I was so dead set against it.
Why am I so terrified of losing my hair?
It's long. It's at least two feet long at this point. It hangs past my ribcage when it hangs down the front and to the small of my back when it hangs down my back. It's pretty. I'll admit that. It has this pretty glow about it. It's soft. It keeps my neck warm in the winter. It helps me hide my acne and backne.
It is something I've identified myself by for... Most of my life. I've always either had long hair or was growing it back. I was planning on growing it out until it was waist length and keeping it that length for... Ever?
But now I'm slowly realizing... I am SO vain about my hair. I am actually almost dependent on it. This... this isn't good.
So... Come December 2nd... I'll be shaving my head.
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