Looking back over three and a half years, it is hard to describe the experience. In one sense it is a blessing, in another sense it is a curse, and in another sense, it is life. My cancer journey can be filtered down into five major pivoting points in my life. The first is diagnosis, the second is methotrexate toxicity, the third is the fungal infection, the fourth is chemo-brain, and the fifth is a reflection of it all. To save time, I’ll give you the shortened story of each point. Diagnosis was a shock… simple as that. It all started in January of 2019. All the sudden you are fifteen, helpless, relying on God, and have no choice but to move forward. It started when I swore that the left side of my chest was bigger than my right. It turns out that it was a 5”x7” tumor. Three and a half years of chemotherapy would be the cure. A few months into chemotherapy, I was sitting on my bed reading, when all the sudden the words on the page were foggy. I don’t remember much from this event, but I do know that I lost control of the entire left side of my body, and I couldn't form words. Eventually I lost control of both sides. Doctors say that my brain had a reaction to the excess methotrexate from my recent spinal tap. They call it methotrexate toxicity, and it essentially gives you all the symptoms of a stroke. In August of ’19, I was ready to start school; my body had other plans. I was in the ER with a fever, then over the coming days, the right side of my face swelled shut. It was Aspergillus Flavus, more commonly known as acute sinusitis via a fungal infection. The whole experience was hell. The prognosis was a 3% survival rate, and my parents planned my funeral. God had other plans. After twenty-eight days, I walked out of the hospital with a new lease on life. Chemo-brain is when the chemotherapy breaks the blood-brain barrier and starts causing disconnects in the brain’s white matter. The symptoms of all this are terrible memory and latency between the eyes and the brain. I remember, ironically, that I was backing up a trailer into my driveway when all of the sudden I realized that I could not recall which way to turn the wheel. I have lived at the same farm my whole life; at age twelve I could literally back up trailers with my eyes closed. No two ways about it, forgetfulness makes life really difficult. But alas, through the mercy shown to me by God, and the generosity shown to me by others, I think I found what I want to do with my life. I believe that I have an insider’s view of the power of what happens when others come together in acts of service. Because of this, I wish to work in the non-profit sector. Chemotherapy and cancer (for better or for worse) have built character in me. I wish to walk out what I have learned through cancer in service to others.
